Life

<?php
class life {
	public 		$global			= NULL;
	public		$self			= NULL;
	private		$children		= array();
	private		$limits			= stdClass;
 
	private 	$daysAliveThisYear	= 0;
 
	public function __construct() {
		$this->global = $this->self = new stdClass();
 
		$this->limits = $this->convertArrayToObject(array (
							"age" => rand(0, 112),
							"startFertility" => rand(12, 14),
							"endFertility" => rand(43, 52)
						));
 
		$this->global = $this->convertArrayToObject(array (
							"power" => 0,
							"respect" => 0,
							"appearance" => 0,
							"neglect" => 0
						));
 
		$this->self = $this->convertArrayToObject(array (
							"money" => 0,
							"respect" => 0,
							"ego" => 0,
							"education" => 0,
							"age" => 0,
							"weight" => $this->randomFloat(4, 8, 2), //pounds
							"stopGrowingAge" => rand(15, 25),
							"height" => $this->randomFloat(14, 20, 4), //inches
							"alive" => true
						));
		$this->birth();
	}
 
	public function kickBucket() {
		$this->self->alive = false;
		$this->global->power = 0;
		$this->global->respect = $this->global->respect / 3;
		$this->global->appearance = $this->global->appearance / 2;
		$this->setValues($this->self, 0);
		sleep(864000); //10 days for rotting
		$this->global->appearance = 0;
	}
 
	private function birth() {
		$this->demandAttention();
		while($this->self->alive === true) {
			$this->typicalDay();
			sleep(86400); //1 day
		}
	}
 
	private function typicalDay() {
		++$daysAliveThisYear;
		if ($daysAliveThisYear == 360) {
			++$this->self->age;
			$daysAliveThisYear = 0;
		} else {}
 
		$this->educate();
 
		$this->self->ego += rand(-5, 5);
		$this->self->respect += rand(-5, 5);
		$this->self->neglect += rand(-5, 5);
 
		//if ate food today
		$this->self->weight += ($this->calcProbabilityBool() === true) ? $this->randomFloat(-0.1, 1, 4) : $this->randomFloat(-1, 0.5, 4);
 
		if ($this->self->age <= $this->self->stopGrowingAge) {
			$this->self->height += $this->randomFloat(0.001, 0.003, 4) / 12;
		} else {}
 
		if ($this->self->age >= $this->limits->startFertility && $this->self->age <= $this->limits->endFertility && $this->self->age % 3 == 0) {
			if ($this->calcProbabilityBool(rand(1,10), rand(1,400)) === true) {
				$this->children[] = new life();
			} else {}
		} else {}
		$this->demandAttention();
 
		/*
			if old or you happen to get killed today
		*/
		if ($this->self->age == $this->limits->age || ($this->calcProbabilityBool(rand(1,10), rand(1,1000)) === true)) {
			$this->kickBucket();
		} else {}
	}
 
	public function educate() {
		$this->self->education += rand(1, 10);
	}
 
	private function setValues(&$object, $val, $keys = array()) {
		$numKeys = intval(count($keys));
		foreach ($object as $k => $v) {
			if (($numKeys > 0 && in_array($k, $keys) === true) || $numKeys < 1) {
				$object->$k = $val;
			} else {}
		}
	}
 
	private function demandAttention() {
		if ($this->calcProbabilityBool() === true) {
			++$this->global->power;
			++$this->global->respect;
			++$this->global->neglect;
		}
		else {
			--$this->self->ego;
			--$this->self->respect;
			--$this->global->neglect;
			++$this->self->education;
		}
	}
 
	private function calcProbabilityBool($prob_True = 100, $prob_False = 150) {
		$probabilityMatrix = array_merge(array_fill(0, $prob_True, true), array_fill(0, $prob_False, false));
		shuffle($probabilityMatrix);
		srand(floatval(microtime() * 10000000));
		return array_rand($probabilityMatrix, 1);
	}
 
	private function randomFloat($min = 1, $max = 10, $places = 3) {
		return round(($min + lcg_value() * (abs($max - $min))), $places);
	}
 
	private function convertArrayToObject($array) {
		$result = new stdClass();
 
		foreach ($array as $k => $v) {
			if (is_array($k) === true) {
				$result->$k = $this->convertArrayToObject($v);
			}
			else {
				$result->$k = $v;
			}
		}
 
		return $result;
	}
}
 
$self = new life();
?>